How are you, mama? Feeling like you are in a rut? Underappreciated? Tired? Devalued? Do you have the mommy blues?
I think its pretty common for stay-at-home moms to feel this way. I also think there are several contributing factors going on here. A few we can control and a few we can’t. As for the ones that we can control, lets do that. Lets take control of our own happiness and stop waiting for things to magically get better.
First lets talk about the three main things that are most likely contributing to our less-than or “mommy blues” feelings.
Factor 1 – Your Kids
You will most likely never get a “thank you, mom, for all my clean laundry, my full belly, the super clean baseboards in my room, for knowing where my favorite pair of socks were and getting me to dance on time today”. Just not gonna happen.
Factor 2 – Your Spouse
You are probably not ever going to get your husband to fully grasp what it is you do all day. He probably thinks that the bathroom towels magically arrange themselves in the linen closet and that houses just smell this good all the time.
Factor 3 – Yourself
But really, we aren’t out there busting our butts for our family every day to get recognition, are we? Sure it would be nice but what we are really doing is serving. We are filling little hearts with love, little brains with knowledge and fueling little bodies so they can grow. We are creating a place where all our loved ones can feel safe and rested. We are humbling ourselves so that others can become more.
So why does this so very important job make us feel so lousy sometimes?
Stay-at-home mom is our title, our badge of honor and we wear it proud. It’s not necessarily a bad thing unless that’s all you think that you are anymore. If you forget that you are also a book lover, tea drinker, adult coloring book addict and wannabe gardener or whatever else might define you as a person.
When you devote so much of your life to other people sometimes the little pieces of who you are get forgotten and that my friend is when you start to feel “less than”.
HOW can I change my attitude?
We can’t change our kids or our husband’s views or attitudes but we can change our own. We can decide how we approach each day, how we view ourselves and what we do with the time we have been given.
Put on your Big Girl Panties.
Yes. For real. Put your big girl panties on and get over it. What kind of advice is this? Tough love. Sometimes you really just need someone to say it. Give yourself a 5 min pity party and move on. When you don’t move on, you start harboring resentment and anger and that just makes the feelings so much worse!
Create a daily schedule and stick to it!
Think about how much better your kids behave when you make them stick to a schedule. Why wouldn’t this be true for you too mama? If you already have a plan in place for your day don’t let your lousy feelings let you get off track. I know if I wake up feeling down and allow myself to lounge in my PJs until noon I’m still going to be feeling lousy at noon. However, if I get up, get dressed, get my morning chores out of the way and move around like an actual person, I have a much better chance of at least feeling like I accomplished something.
**Check out How to create a Social Schedule and Why a SAHM needs a planner**
Carve a little time out to do one of those things that makes you, you.
If it seems impossible why not try involving the kids if you can. If it’s gardening, let the kids start their own garden. If its a book you want to read establish a quiet time each day, even if its only 15 min and DO it.
I totally get that self-care is a thing. I try not to place too much emphasis on it because sometimes it just really doesn’t fit into my mom schedule and I refuse to feel guilty about that. Yes, you should value yourself and take care of yourself. I also know that having young children is a “season” in life. During this season there is significantly less amount of personal time and that’s okay too. Don’t beat yourself up over not getting your self-care in for the day but do try for it if you can
Ask for help.
I know its hard to admit that you aren’t in fact super mom but honestly, it will feel so good to admit that even you need help sometimes.
Remind yourself of WHY you chose to be a SAHM.
Take a step back from the day-to-day that you are living in and look at the big picture. How are your kids benefiting today from you being with them? How will they benefit in the long term? How about your husband? Remind yourself of the value that YOU know you provide. Because you DO provide value. Validate yourself!
When you start to get overwhelmed and feel like you are loosing control go through this list and see if any of these tips help. You may need a different one for different problems and you may need to use all five at once! Whatever the case remember that you are in control of your life. You have the power to pull yourself up out of your funk!